Thoughtfulness

Thoughtfulness.  "Oh, how thoughtful of you!"  "Thank you for your thoughtfulness."  "How nice that you thought of me..."  Simple acknowledgements and gratitude, right?  Sure.  Simple.  Being thoughtful is one of those character traits that we grow to expect from others as they mature through life.  Certainly, we don't expect a toddler to be thoughtful by instinct.  We teach them over and over about manners and kindness and sharing and please and thank you.  Over and over and over.  We hope and pray that it sticks.  We pride ourselves on our children's manners, don't we?  I know I have.

But having a child diagnosed with autism (notice that I always include the precursor "diagnosed with" - it allows me some sense of denial while still acknowledging the reality - brilliant, don't you think?!)  anyway...having Carter and learning about others with similar neurology, I have had to re-align my expectations and my pride.  I have had to stop - dead in my tracks - to consider how Carter might react or respond in a given situation where manners are expected.  What needs to be coached?  Does he need to be pre-taught?  How can I handle this gracefully?  For so long, it seemed that things weren't sinking in or mattering to him.  Please is just not on his list of important words.  Thank you is.  He uses it often and appropriately.  I work so very hard not to limit my expectations of him.  I really do.  But, I think this is yet one more area where I may stumble more often than not.  He's capable of so much more than I often think he is.... 

The other day, I was foolishly mowing the lawn in 92 degree weather.  I'd sent Danny off fishing with friends after he'd mowed half the lawn and left Carter to watch TV in the cool comfort of the air-conditioned living room.  I was turning 'round the one and only tree in the backyard when all of a sudden, there he was!  Carter poised at the other side of the tree.  Smiling that six-year-old toothless smile of his.  And holding out in front of him in his right hand (while the other arm was placed behind his back) a tall, ice & water filled water bottle.
"Here Mama!  I thought you might be thirsty!  It's very very hot out here!"
"Carter!  You scared me to death!  But I am so excited that you did this for me! .....  This was such a thoughtful thing to do for Mommy!"
Slight pause.
"Mom, didn't you think I could be thoughtful?"

Wow.  How do I answer that?  How does anyone in this situation answer that? 
"Yes!  I know you can be very thoughtful!  I guess I was just surprised today!" 
A white lie.  One of millions I'll admit.  Maybe trillions. 

Yes, Carter CAN BE so incredibly thoughtful that he was able to bring me to my knees once again praying and wondering what else he and He have in store for me.

I will never write a card or an email acknowledging thoughtfulness in the same way ever again.  Yet another example of something I really took for granted before God blessed me with this magical little boy (and his big brother of course).  Thank you God.  Seriously.