Ouch, the Wimp

Sunday morning.  Church.  Routine.  Good for the soul. 

Helping out after church.  Stacking chairs.  Stacking chairs high.  Following directions from tear down team.  Stacking them high.  Stacking them straight.  Adjusting the high stack to be straight.  Smash!  OWWWWW!  Don't look.  Oh my gosh is it still there?  Is my finger still there?  Don't look.  Just feel.  Yes!  It's there.  I can feel it.  Really, really feel it.  Feel it so bad I can't breathe.  Yes, I can.  I'm a mom for heaven sakes.  Look at it.  Oh my gosh.  It's bleeding from the middle of the nail.  Crap.  Crap.  Crap.  Ow.  Go wash it off.  Squeeze it and stop it from bleeding.  Why does my whole hand hurt?  Squeeze.  Walk.  Go back to find children.  Look around the room for sympathy.  Looking.  Looking.  Oh, thank you God.  Deb.  Sympathy.  Compassion.  Gonna passsss out.  maybe?  no.  don't.  leeet's siiitttt dooowwwnnnn.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Boys?  Collecting envelopes.  Oblivious.  Good.  Breathe.

Hurts a lot.  A real lot.  Like Oh My God hurt.  Seriously?  Am I a wimp?  No.  I've been told I'm not.  By professionals.  Really.  Like they couldn't believe how much pain I'd withstood.  I'm strong.  Right?  Oh my God this hurts.  It is bad bad bad.  Going for an xray.  There must be at least six or seven broken bones.  Or one really important bone.  Why else would the whole hand hurt so darn much?  OK, OK, OK.  Boys, let's go.  Danny, pack up a bag.  OK, Carter go potty.  Let's go.

Kind people at Quick Care.  Patient and nice.  Sympathy.  Xrays.  Waiting and knowing it's going to require surgery.  Hurts so much..................  Nope.  No break.  Just sprained.  Just bruised.  Nail is damaged.  That must be the source of your pain.  Really?  Seriously?  What's worse: my embarrassment or my pain?  OH.  The combination is worse.  Great.  Great!  Really.  No break.  That's good.  But that's bad.  All this drama and no break.  Just a wimp.  A big ole wimp with LOW pain tolerance.  What does this mean?  I'm a wimp.  Yeah.  It's true. 

Nothing's changed.  My wimpiness didn't change my life yet.  Will it?  Fewer friends?  Less respect?  Less value? 

No.  It means that I'm feeling pain.  Really feeling it.  Have I always?  Probably not.  That's OK.  I hate pain and I don't want pain.  But feeling is feeling, and that's not bad.  I'm OK with being a Wimp now.  At least for today.